WHAT IF: You're New At The Gym

• If your coach wants you to work on your ‘upper thigh’, appoint a new coach

• If you feel your supporter is just two sizes too small don’t wear it

• Do people look at you every time someone says “I need a bigger dumbbell”?

• If the treadmill refuses to start for you, look around like nothing’s wrong and make a quiet exit

• Remember that men also use the leg curler

• If they’re out of punching bags, don’t go, just don’t go to gym. It’ll do your health a world of benefit

• When there are members of the opposite gender in your changing room. Doesn’t work if you’re K Jo

• Do not take the term ‘bench press’ too literally

• When a fat lady tells you she needs help with her leg lifts, run away.